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Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) Research
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) changes how the brain perceives and responds to threat. A recently published study (2013) dramatically illustrates how EFT couples therapy that teaches people to bond securely builds the pathway for loving contact that soothes the brain and calms our perception of danger. It is strong evidence of how our mammalian brain is wired to use another intelligence — loving contact — to manage the fears and pains of daily life.
Understanding Fawning
What Is Fawning?
Fawning is a survival response that develops when a person learns to stay safe by pleasing others, avoiding conflict, or putting others' needs ahead of their own. Like fight, flight, and freeze, fawning is a nervous system response designed to protect us from perceived danger, rejection, or disconnection.
People who fawn often:
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Struggle to say "no"
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Feel responsible for other people's emotions
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Avoid conflict at all costs
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Over-apologize
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Put their own needs last
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Seek approval or validation from others
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Have difficulty setting healthy boundaries
While these behaviors may appear kind or selfless, they are often rooted in fear rather than genuine choice. Many individuals who fawn learned early in life that keeping others happy was the safest way to maintain connection or avoid emotional pain.
A CASE FOR FAITH
Tim Clinton, Ed.D., and Eric Scalise, Ph.D
Why is faith so important to our grow?
Calming Anxiety by Managing your Inner Critic
In psychology, the inner critic refers to a mental voice that constantly judges and demeans us — telling us we’re incompetent, weak, or failing in some way. This voice often stems from internalized messages from childhood, social comparison, or early experiences of criticism and rejection. At its root, the inner critic is not always malicious. It may have started as a protection strategy — an attempt to keep us safe from failure or judgment. But when it becomes harsh, repetitive, and automatic, it shifts from motivation to toxic self-judgment that undermines mental health. Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, explains that this internal voice may have once served as a way to motivate us by pointing out shortcomings — but it often ends up hurting us more than helping, especially when it becomes pervasive and negative, many times fueling anxiety and depression.
Internal Family System (IFS)
Developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz in the 1980s, IFS sees your mind as a family of distinct “parts,” each with its own personality, emotions, and motivations. These parts might clash sometimes (cue the inner chaos 🌀), but IFS believes they’re all trying to help in their own unique ways. And here’s the kicker: At the center of it all is your Self, a calm and compassionate leader just waiting to take charge. 🌟
IFS begins with a simple but powerful idea: our minds are naturally made up of different parts. Think of it like a pizza 🍕—each slice represents a part of you, and together they make up the whole pie. Some slices might be spicy (looking at you, perfectionist part 🌶️), while others are sweet (hello, inner nurturer 🍍). The goal of IFS is to help you appreciate each slice and enjoy a more balanced inner feast.
Understanding Attachment Styles
What is ATTACHMENT?
Attachment can be defined as a reciprocal relationship. In parenting (or child development) it generally refers to the relationship that develops first between the infant/child and his primary caregiver (often parents). The quality of this attachment impacts the child’s physical, emotional, psychological and cognitive development. The quality of this primary relationship shapes the child’s basic ability to trust and how positively or negatively he/she views the world, himself/herself and others. The quality of this first attachment impacts all other relationships.
When an infant experiences consistent care where his/her needs are met, he/she internalizes three things:
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I am safe
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I am heard
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I am valuable
With this as the foundation, a child can then develop other healthy relationships.
Psychoanalyst John Bowlby is considered the father of modern attachment theory. His definition of attachment is “the affectional tie between two people”. It begins with the bond between the infant and mother. This bond then represents how the child’s life relationships will be formed.
Bowlby stated, “The initial relationship between self and others serves as a blueprint for all future relationships.”
The importance of attachment affects more than just future healthy relationships. It also impacts a child’s ability to self-regulate. When an infant’s needs are met by a nurturing primary caregiver (parent), the infant’s emotional dysregulation is calmed. Over many repetitions of an infant feeling stress, expressing distress and receiving a nurturing response, the child is able to integrate this pattern as self-soothing during stressful times. This is important as the child matures into an adult who is able to handle disappointments, opposition and stressful situations by remaining regulated.
New research into attachment shows that there is a neurological and sensory link as well. Activities often attributed to “normal” parenting of an infant, such a rocking, bouncing, swinging, patting (burping) an infant activate the baby’s sensory system, and the positive sensory input becomes connected to the nurturing acts. Experts in neurodevelopment and sensory integration can show actual changes in the brain’s development due to this input or lack thereof. Children who have not had normal sensory input are at increased risk of not only attachment difficulties, but learning delays, social impairment and having a difficult time with change.
Stress chemicals, such as cortisol and adrenaline, can severely affect an infant’s brain development. So, the infant’s brain chemistry, specifically in utero and during the first year, can have a significant impact on the child’s ability to attach. Neurological research actually shows visible signs of difference in size and structure of healthy infant brains and those of infants who have been neglected or abused.